People watching

It is a big abode world out there.
Have you ever just sat there at a :-
Park bench
A coffee shop
A pub garden with a view
A river bank
Air port
Bus stop

Watched people walk by doing what they do in there own world.

It's amazing how quickly you become invisible, but it's incredible to see what is happening around.

People watching is powerful what story will you read today

3 Years Today Dad

Today is going to be 3 years for me losing my Dad.

For me every day on this year is pretty much me reliving everything that had happened.

You get told time is healer 364 of the days yes but come to 365 it all starts again, well for me it does.

I have always looked upto my father even though i have never said that to him, I always used to watch what he does and how he did it, not for me to copy as there is no copy of my unique father.

We used have have our ups and downs, oh man miss those then we stopped talking then start talking again.

My biggest regret is not telling my dad everyday how much i loved him  and looked upto.

Dad I miss you like crazy but i know you have mum to keep you company but soon we will be a family again as we were before.

I aint no good at writing poems but saw this.

I love you dad 

For My Daddy

© Christina Caburnay

Published on January 2014

Have you seen my Daddy?

I don't know where he's gone

Sometimes it hurts so much

I can't seem to carry on.

I hear he doesn't look quite the same

He doesn't need much rest

The IV and medications are all gone

In fact, he looks his best

Is he playing tag with his parents?

In that place way up high?

Or is he napping in God's garden

Where the beautiful in hammocks lie?

Some say he is always watching

I hope this to be true

And that one day he'll return to me

And say, "I've come for you"

Have you seen my Daddy?

I imagine he's doing okay

Though it hurts to know

I can't call him every day.

I really miss my Daddy

I wasn't ready to say goodbye

It will never be the same

Years from now, I know I'll cry

I bet God is with my Daddy

Wrapped up in His arms

Sheltered from all illness and sorrow

Keeping him from harm

I bet he sees us mourning

But would want us to smile

And tell us our time apart

Is only a little while

I'll never quite understand

Why your time here was so small

But you said you'll always be there

To catch me when I fall

I miss you so much Daddy

But I hope and pray

That when it's my time you'll come for me

I'll see you again someday

I guess it was meant to be

That your work here on Earth was done

Now your life in paradise

Has only just begun

Tears that I weep and prayers

Will hopefully travel very far

To reach my loving daddy

Sitting among the stars

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/for-my-daddy0

Let me tell you a story 13/03/2016

LET ME TELL YOU A STORY.

I dont ask for much well from God i dont, I have only ever asked God to keep an eye on my parents, my sister and brother in law, gran, and my family, friends that I consider to be family.

That I would say is not asking for much as it is not for me, when I did do prayers that's all I would ever ask for nothing in regards to me, I would never ask God to help find a job, get me out of a situation, ask for financial help or anything in regards to me.

Yes i have been in situations where yes i should of been asking for help from God, which had nothing to do family or friends but something regarding me but that is a story for another time but some  know and some dont.

I to this day, only thing i know is i requested 2 things in my life from God and i know never got it.

I always got told God listens to everything you say and helps everyone in there time of need, well I know for a true fact that is not true, I asked twice for his help and I begged but i still never got a response, well ok I did that response was no it ain't happening.

I was not told why, not given a reason and still to this day I have not had one reason or a sign on why God did? what there reasons were for declining, not responding, not even bother to reply to me, in my time of need or even after that.

God just sat there and watched the pain that I was going thru and the dark hole I was going into, truth to be told I am still in that dark hole, I was told when in public put your happy face and when in private the other face can go on..  My public face is turning in to my private the black hole is getting bigger because of the hurt.

On this day on 13 March 2014, I asked God this question the second time.

God please I ask for your help i see my mum laying her in front of me all I ask is please can we swap places i want to be where my mum is and i want my mum to be standing next to my sister and brother in law that is all i ask for I beg you, I beg you, I beg you...

He did fucking allow it, the second time I ever ask him for anything and i get the same answer, has just proven to me there is either no God that listens or no God at all..

LOSING BOTH PARENTS 9 MONTHS A PART AND FOR GOD NOT LISTENING TO YOU OR EVEN LISTEN TO YOU BEGGING FOR HIM TO TAKE YOU LIFE IN ORDER TO KEEP PARENTS ALIVE IS TOTALLY FUCKED..

I from that day have no beliefs in there being god as it was proved to me on 2 occasions..

13 MARCH 2014 I HAD THE MOST PRECIOUS FAMILY MEMBER TAKEN FROM ME, I HAVE THE BIGGEST HOLE IN MY HEART THAT WILL NEVER FILL NO MATTER WHAT.

I HAVE HATE IN BLOOD.

I HAVE REVENGE IN MY BLACK HEART THAT I HAVE.

 I HAVE SO MUCH ANGER THAT I AM HOLDING IN THAT I AM SCARED FOR WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN IT COMES OUT.

Mum today is going to be 2 years for you when the angels took you from your loving family.

I miss you so much there are nights that i cry myself to sleep.

There are days where i keep thinking you have sent me a text or missed called me.

There are times where I look at my phone abd then look at your number and want to call you but i know you wont answer it as you are not allowed to take phones up there..

My heart hurts so much with missing you.

Mum you have a good memory, Remember the poem I read at dad's funeral ,

the last line :  THE CHAIN WILL LINK AGAIN.

They say memories are golden

well maybe that is true.

We never wanted memories,

We only wanted you.

A million times we needed you,

a million times we’ve cried.

If love alone could have saved you

you never would have died.

In life we loved you dearly,

In death we love you still.

In our hearts you hold a place

no one can ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway

and heartache make a lane,

We’d walk the path to heaven

to bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,

and nothing seems the same.

But as God calls us one by one,

the chain will link again.