People watching

It is a big abode world out there.
Have you ever just sat there at a :-
Park bench
A coffee shop
A pub garden with a view
A river bank
Air port
Bus stop

Watched people walk by doing what they do in there own world.

It's amazing how quickly you become invisible, but it's incredible to see what is happening around.

People watching is powerful what story will you read today

3 Years Today Dad

Today is going to be 3 years for me losing my Dad.

For me every day on this year is pretty much me reliving everything that had happened.

You get told time is healer 364 of the days yes but come to 365 it all starts again, well for me it does.

I have always looked upto my father even though i have never said that to him, I always used to watch what he does and how he did it, not for me to copy as there is no copy of my unique father.

We used have have our ups and downs, oh man miss those then we stopped talking then start talking again.

My biggest regret is not telling my dad everyday how much i loved him  and looked upto.

Dad I miss you like crazy but i know you have mum to keep you company but soon we will be a family again as we were before.

I aint no good at writing poems but saw this.

I love you dad 

For My Daddy

© Christina Caburnay

Published on January 2014

Have you seen my Daddy?

I don't know where he's gone

Sometimes it hurts so much

I can't seem to carry on.

I hear he doesn't look quite the same

He doesn't need much rest

The IV and medications are all gone

In fact, he looks his best

Is he playing tag with his parents?

In that place way up high?

Or is he napping in God's garden

Where the beautiful in hammocks lie?

Some say he is always watching

I hope this to be true

And that one day he'll return to me

And say, "I've come for you"

Have you seen my Daddy?

I imagine he's doing okay

Though it hurts to know

I can't call him every day.

I really miss my Daddy

I wasn't ready to say goodbye

It will never be the same

Years from now, I know I'll cry

I bet God is with my Daddy

Wrapped up in His arms

Sheltered from all illness and sorrow

Keeping him from harm

I bet he sees us mourning

But would want us to smile

And tell us our time apart

Is only a little while

I'll never quite understand

Why your time here was so small

But you said you'll always be there

To catch me when I fall

I miss you so much Daddy

But I hope and pray

That when it's my time you'll come for me

I'll see you again someday

I guess it was meant to be

That your work here on Earth was done

Now your life in paradise

Has only just begun

Tears that I weep and prayers

Will hopefully travel very far

To reach my loving daddy

Sitting among the stars

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/for-my-daddy0

Let me tell you a story 13/03/2016

LET ME TELL YOU A STORY.

I dont ask for much well from God i dont, I have only ever asked God to keep an eye on my parents, my sister and brother in law, gran, and my family, friends that I consider to be family.

That I would say is not asking for much as it is not for me, when I did do prayers that's all I would ever ask for nothing in regards to me, I would never ask God to help find a job, get me out of a situation, ask for financial help or anything in regards to me.

Yes i have been in situations where yes i should of been asking for help from God, which had nothing to do family or friends but something regarding me but that is a story for another time but some  know and some dont.

I to this day, only thing i know is i requested 2 things in my life from God and i know never got it.

I always got told God listens to everything you say and helps everyone in there time of need, well I know for a true fact that is not true, I asked twice for his help and I begged but i still never got a response, well ok I did that response was no it ain't happening.

I was not told why, not given a reason and still to this day I have not had one reason or a sign on why God did? what there reasons were for declining, not responding, not even bother to reply to me, in my time of need or even after that.

God just sat there and watched the pain that I was going thru and the dark hole I was going into, truth to be told I am still in that dark hole, I was told when in public put your happy face and when in private the other face can go on..  My public face is turning in to my private the black hole is getting bigger because of the hurt.

On this day on 13 March 2014, I asked God this question the second time.

God please I ask for your help i see my mum laying her in front of me all I ask is please can we swap places i want to be where my mum is and i want my mum to be standing next to my sister and brother in law that is all i ask for I beg you, I beg you, I beg you...

He did fucking allow it, the second time I ever ask him for anything and i get the same answer, has just proven to me there is either no God that listens or no God at all..

LOSING BOTH PARENTS 9 MONTHS A PART AND FOR GOD NOT LISTENING TO YOU OR EVEN LISTEN TO YOU BEGGING FOR HIM TO TAKE YOU LIFE IN ORDER TO KEEP PARENTS ALIVE IS TOTALLY FUCKED..

I from that day have no beliefs in there being god as it was proved to me on 2 occasions..

13 MARCH 2014 I HAD THE MOST PRECIOUS FAMILY MEMBER TAKEN FROM ME, I HAVE THE BIGGEST HOLE IN MY HEART THAT WILL NEVER FILL NO MATTER WHAT.

I HAVE HATE IN BLOOD.

I HAVE REVENGE IN MY BLACK HEART THAT I HAVE.

 I HAVE SO MUCH ANGER THAT I AM HOLDING IN THAT I AM SCARED FOR WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN IT COMES OUT.

Mum today is going to be 2 years for you when the angels took you from your loving family.

I miss you so much there are nights that i cry myself to sleep.

There are days where i keep thinking you have sent me a text or missed called me.

There are times where I look at my phone abd then look at your number and want to call you but i know you wont answer it as you are not allowed to take phones up there..

My heart hurts so much with missing you.

Mum you have a good memory, Remember the poem I read at dad's funeral ,

the last line :  THE CHAIN WILL LINK AGAIN.

They say memories are golden

well maybe that is true.

We never wanted memories,

We only wanted you.

A million times we needed you,

a million times we’ve cried.

If love alone could have saved you

you never would have died.

In life we loved you dearly,

In death we love you still.

In our hearts you hold a place

no one can ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway

and heartache make a lane,

We’d walk the path to heaven

to bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,

and nothing seems the same.

But as God calls us one by one,

the chain will link again.

This is gonna be one long arse of status for 2015.

So its new years eve 0329 then.

I cant sleep which is frustrating, but oh well.

2013 and 2014 have been the worst times of my life and to be honest the most darkest in my life in which i would not want anyone to experience even my worst enemy.

I had to grow up fast to, even though i was but look at everything in a total different way.

When you realise for the first time in your life you are totally on your own when you lost 2 of the most precious people in your life, you dont know what is what anymore.

Dont know who to talk to cause you know your family are hurting and you dont want to worry them either (as my mum said to me there is a public face and a private face) when ever i was out my public face came on.

All I would hear is
- look how strong he is.
- he is doing so well.
- his mother and father would be so proud of him

The things that were and are still going thru my head have not been answered and i know they will never be, cause the one person i did need the most twice did not do what i request and i have never asked anything from this person that we call god.

My faith since that day has gone in believing that there is god and that god will answer your calls when in need. My experience god aint gonna answer as no such thing.

Every day i wish i can wake in the morning, come home from work, walk round the corner, or even get a text or call from my mum or dad, or even the thought hearing them shout at me cause i have made a mess and not sorted it still (sorry mum and dad house is still kinda mess) but i know this will not happen until we are together again.

I mentioned that you realise for the first time in your life you are on your own and dont know who to talk to.

You see at this point in your life the darkest, the lowest, the worst as i call it the most fucked up time possible you really start to realise who the people are around you and its only now i have slowly started to realise all the support i have been getting.

I wont mention names but one day when i have the courage to come up to you and say thanks you will know, as most people that know me know i hate asking for help i am just stubborn i guess (thanks dad lol).

All i would like to say is yes i have fucking long way to go for me to sort my self out please just bear with me while i do.

I want to say thank you to friends and family for the continuing that i have received.

i now live my days,, day by day as we fucking dont know when we will last see our loved one so all i say is make sure you tell them you love them, leave them a cheeky note or something or even rose or roses or even flowers, tell that person you walk past every day that you like you would like to go for a drink or coffee or something.

So 2016
-I start it with a new a job which is awesome.
-sort my self out and get my head sorted to important.
-My best friend's younger brother gets married i cant wait for that.
-looking to get more tattoos 1 (astronomy) a month hopefully lol.
-i want to travel more around uk and europe and overseas
-do my cbt for a bike life is to short.

Not sure what else but anything i do think of i will add to my blog where there is a copy of this.

Thank you again friends and family for all your support plus few other people on here who i would class as family to and you know who you are thank you again..

Happy new year to everyone love you lots.

I will always love you and miss you both mum and dad.......

Coping

Coping

Every day is still hard, everyday pretty  much feels like it has just happened.

I miss you both so much but who do I speak to, I want to talk to my sister but i dont want her to worry about me as every time see her i know when she looks at me i can see that she worries alot.

I want to speak to my uncles my i am scared they wont understand what i am going thru.

At times i feel like i just want to scream and cry and cause pain and unleash anger at any one. I know that doing any of this will not bring my parents.

All i do know is i have lost all faith in god i asked twice for him to swap me with my parents so i am in pain and i am where they are s they can live on but both times they denied me that right.

They say god listens to everything you say and will help, i can say for a fact that is not true and never will be.

I cannot say how long it will take for me to get over it and move on, maybe i wont and thats what scares me the most.

I walk in to the house eveyday and expect to hear my mum and dads voice, but i dont.

I leave the house in a big mess and expect to hear them shout at me or ring me and say why have you not cleaned up after yourself.

I leave the dishes and expect to a get a call saying the dishes will be in your room as you did not wash them.

all the little things that you miss when your loved ones depart..

I miss you both like crazy and going to family functions makes it so hard for me that i cant bear it at times..

I know soon us three will be together again and i will be so glad to see you both again.

Love your son x

Happy Anniversary Mum and Dad 41 years

27/04/2015

Today Would have been the most lovely day its my Mum and Dad 41st wedding anniversary, I know they are together right now in a peaceful place together but i miss them on these special occasions.

Seeing dad bring home flowers for mum and a card and leaving them on the table  and then sitting down on the sofa waiting for mum to come home acting as if he has forgotten all about and reading his paper, but if you look behind the paper you would see my dad my smiling away lol, me sitting there watching tv and just saying hi and smiling..

Dad would say hi finally, and then get back to his paper and watch mum open the kitchen door and then watch her walk into the kitchen to see the flowers and card waiting for..

That was just priceless..

I miss you both, love you both so much...

Happy anniversary 41 years together mum and dad xxxxxxxxxxxxxx





© Kara Wambach

March 2008

A Poem For My Parents On Their Anniversary

When I was young, MOM and DAD,
I remember saying that I would never leave your side,
Now I have grown and see the love you two share.
I now realize that's the way life is.
I have learned so much from you two,
I pleasure every moment I am with you.
God gave me a blessing,
For having two loving parents as great and loving as you.
You two are great and I am so proud of your 41 years together!
I love you both so much,
And I hope for so many years for you two together;
For the parents, I so dearly love.



Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/parents-wedding-anniversary#ixzz3YSZ3H9uG
Family Friend Poems

Its been 1 year mum.

I cant believe how fast one year has gone.

Everytime i go into kitchen i remember everything as it happened that day its still so fresh..

Wake up every morning hope that i will see you downstairs but I dont, its the worse nightmare ever..

Missing Mum

By Claudia Lee

I awake each morning to start a new day
But the pain of losing you never goes away.
I go about the things I have to do
And as the hours pass I think again of you.

I want to call you and just hear your voice
Then I remember that I have no choice
For you are not there and now my heart cries
Just to see you again to tell you goodbye

To say Mum I love you and I always will
And hope that much of you, in me you’ve instilled.
The day that you left I just didn’t know
That you were going where I couldn’t go.

And now all my memories of you are so dear
But gosh, how I miss you and wish you were here.
Who now can hear me when I need to cry?
It so hard to tell you “Mum goodbye.”

Someday I know all will be well
And I’ll see you again with stories to tell
Of how you were missed and how we have grown
And how good it is to finally be home.

Until then my memories of you I’ll keep near
And I’ll pass them on to those who are dear.
I miss you Mum,

http://heavenlycelebrations.com.au/poems/missing-mum/