LET ME TELL YOU A
STORY.
I dont ask for much well from God i dont, I have only ever
asked God to keep an eye on my parents, my sister and brother in law, gran, and
my family, friends that I consider to be family.
That I would say is not asking for much as it is not for me,
when I did do prayers that's all I would ever ask for nothing in regards to me,
I would never ask God to help find a job, get me out of a situation, ask for
financial help or anything in regards to me.
Yes i have been in situations where yes i should of been
asking for help from God, which had nothing to do family or friends but
something regarding me but that is a story for another time but some know and some dont.
I to this day, only thing i know is i requested 2 things in
my life from God and i know never got it.
I always got told God listens to everything you say and
helps everyone in there time of need, well I know for a true fact that is not
true, I asked twice for his help and I begged but i still never got a response,
well ok I did that response was no it ain't happening.
I was not told why, not given a reason and still to this day
I have not had one reason or a sign on why God did? what there reasons were for
declining, not responding, not even bother to reply to me, in my time of need
or even after that.
God just sat there and watched the pain that I was going
thru and the dark hole I was going into, truth to be told I am still in that
dark hole, I was told when in public put your happy face and when in private
the other face can go on.. My public
face is turning in to my private the black hole is getting bigger because of
the hurt.
On this day on 13 March 2014, I asked God this question the
second time.
God please I ask for your help i see my mum laying her in
front of me all I ask is please can we swap places i want to be where my mum is
and i want my mum to be standing next to my sister and brother in law that is
all i ask for I beg you, I beg you, I beg you...
He did fucking allow it, the second time I ever ask him for
anything and i get the same answer, has just proven to me there is either no
God that listens or no God at all..
LOSING BOTH PARENTS 9 MONTHS A PART AND FOR GOD NOT
LISTENING TO YOU OR EVEN LISTEN TO YOU BEGGING FOR HIM TO TAKE YOU LIFE IN
ORDER TO KEEP PARENTS ALIVE IS TOTALLY FUCKED..
I from that day have no beliefs in there being god as it was
proved to me on 2 occasions..
13 MARCH 2014 I HAD THE MOST PRECIOUS FAMILY MEMBER TAKEN
FROM ME, I HAVE THE BIGGEST HOLE IN MY HEART THAT WILL NEVER FILL NO MATTER
WHAT.
I HAVE HATE IN BLOOD.
I HAVE REVENGE IN MY BLACK HEART THAT I HAVE.
I HAVE SO MUCH ANGER
THAT I AM HOLDING IN THAT I AM SCARED FOR WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN IT COMES OUT.
Mum today is going to be 2 years for you when the angels
took you from your loving family.
I miss you so much there are nights that i cry myself to
sleep.
There are days where i keep thinking you have sent me a text
or missed called me.
There are times where I look at my phone abd then look at
your number and want to call you but i know you wont answer it as you are not
allowed to take phones up there..
My heart hurts so much with missing you.
Mum you have a good memory, Remember the poem I read at
dad's funeral ,
the last line : THE
CHAIN WILL LINK AGAIN.
They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true.
We never wanted memories,
We only wanted you.
A million times we needed you,
a million times we’ve cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we love you still.
In our hearts you hold a place
no one can ever fill.
If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
We’d walk the path to heaven
to bring you back again.
Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.
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