This is gonna be one long arse of status for 2015.

So its new years eve 0329 then.

I cant sleep which is frustrating, but oh well.

2013 and 2014 have been the worst times of my life and to be honest the most darkest in my life in which i would not want anyone to experience even my worst enemy.

I had to grow up fast to, even though i was but look at everything in a total different way.

When you realise for the first time in your life you are totally on your own when you lost 2 of the most precious people in your life, you dont know what is what anymore.

Dont know who to talk to cause you know your family are hurting and you dont want to worry them either (as my mum said to me there is a public face and a private face) when ever i was out my public face came on.

All I would hear is
- look how strong he is.
- he is doing so well.
- his mother and father would be so proud of him

The things that were and are still going thru my head have not been answered and i know they will never be, cause the one person i did need the most twice did not do what i request and i have never asked anything from this person that we call god.

My faith since that day has gone in believing that there is god and that god will answer your calls when in need. My experience god aint gonna answer as no such thing.

Every day i wish i can wake in the morning, come home from work, walk round the corner, or even get a text or call from my mum or dad, or even the thought hearing them shout at me cause i have made a mess and not sorted it still (sorry mum and dad house is still kinda mess) but i know this will not happen until we are together again.

I mentioned that you realise for the first time in your life you are on your own and dont know who to talk to.

You see at this point in your life the darkest, the lowest, the worst as i call it the most fucked up time possible you really start to realise who the people are around you and its only now i have slowly started to realise all the support i have been getting.

I wont mention names but one day when i have the courage to come up to you and say thanks you will know, as most people that know me know i hate asking for help i am just stubborn i guess (thanks dad lol).

All i would like to say is yes i have fucking long way to go for me to sort my self out please just bear with me while i do.

I want to say thank you to friends and family for the continuing that i have received.

i now live my days,, day by day as we fucking dont know when we will last see our loved one so all i say is make sure you tell them you love them, leave them a cheeky note or something or even rose or roses or even flowers, tell that person you walk past every day that you like you would like to go for a drink or coffee or something.

So 2016
-I start it with a new a job which is awesome.
-sort my self out and get my head sorted to important.
-My best friend's younger brother gets married i cant wait for that.
-looking to get more tattoos 1 (astronomy) a month hopefully lol.
-i want to travel more around uk and europe and overseas
-do my cbt for a bike life is to short.

Not sure what else but anything i do think of i will add to my blog where there is a copy of this.

Thank you again friends and family for all your support plus few other people on here who i would class as family to and you know who you are thank you again..

Happy new year to everyone love you lots.

I will always love you and miss you both mum and dad.......